First of all, if you ever read a personality assessment I've taken, it would tell you that I don't necessarily take criticism well. If you ever talk to certain people who know me well, they could probably tell you that I don't take criticism well, though they may not know that, since I am more likely to receive critiques from those people who do know me well. If you ever asked me how I feel when criticized, constructively or otherwise, my response would be something akin to "Not good."
That is something that has slowly been changing, through prayer and life experience...and divine intervention, I'm sure.
But after a couple of recent frustrations, and after reading through the introduction chapter to Andy Stanley's "7 Practices of Effective Ministry," (Why is there a bold option and an italics option, but no underline. The grammar nazi in me knows that the book title needs to be underlined.), some of my "criticisms" have driven me to this thought:
Have we created selfish Christians with our modern church system? 21st century Pharisees? Stanley's principle that stuck out to me, "Focus on who you're trying to reach, not who you're trying to keep," has started the question within me, did the "Holiness movement" begin a trend of creating legalistic, resort-like churches that first answer the question "What will keep our people happy?" Or maybe not begin, but further the idea.
I wonder if we need to look more closely at the bible for our church systems. I mean, obviously we should base everything we do off of the bible. But, for instance, in the Wesleyan church, the congregation has a whole lot of power. Where, in either NT or OT, do we find an example of "the entire body" having power ending up well?
Anyway, I'm getting off topic.
My main thought is that Stanley has nailed the reason that churches under 100 are dying, I think. Because their pastors are stuck in situations where they feel their only option is to ask the question "What can I do to keep my people happy and in their pews?" Or, in some cases, "How can I keep my job?"
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
Drawn
I can't have melancholy days "on cue." So Good Friday, for me, wasn't as torturous as maybe it's supposed to be. I tried. I really did. Just like when I tried to cry the first time I saw "The Passion." I mean, tears almost made it past my lower eyelid. There was definitely moisture.
And so on Saturday, during a drive to what would be a wonderful day, I flagellated myself a little, inwardly. It's a personal struggle, not to feel things the same way that so many others do. And after sufficient punishment, I turned my music off and forced my heart and thoughts to pass through my vocal chords. (Thanks to hands-free devices and the endless variety of music, people who pray in their cars don't look the slightest bit insane anymore.) Somehow, speaking aloud the words in my confused (relatively) emotions keeps my thoughts flowing in a line that is nearly straight. Just like writing things here, as long as I keep focused on the screen, keeps my brain walking the same thought process.
To remain focused no my original thought, I'll skip details. I'll just say that after a good conversation with God, I felt better about life and myself. Though what I was feeling was right and not unjustified. (I felt unworthy of God...which I am.)
Yesterday, Easter Sunday, I was awakened by my dog barking very early in the morning. Endlessly. For over an hour. I rarely wake up grouchy, but that did it to me. Not wanting to remain a grouch on Easter Sunday, I attempted prayer again. But even on the drive, I couldn't shake it. In fact, as the day went on and the pollen got to me, my overall mood remained down. I wasn't angry or about to attack anyone. But it was an odd thing, being unable to become exultantly happy on the day when I knew some people had recognized their need for Christ and so entered the kingdom of heaven.
Today, I woke up down (for myself) yet again. Very odd. One day is strange for me. Let alone 3 in a row. Eventually, after an hour of sitting on my couch, I decided to shake it off and leave. I went to church, and I did my devotional.
That was what I was being drawn toward. That scripture hit me right between the eyes, probably a year ago or so. I won't detail my own foolish struggles. If you know them, then this means that much more to you. But whenever this passage first impacted me, I was giving those struggles to God, hoping that He would finally erase them from me. And then I realized why He never had.
In more recent years, I've struggled with my own emotions. They don't make sense, relative to many other people. I don't feel certain things that it seems others do. And I get emotional in moments that are less common. I have down days for no apparent reason...though, of course, after sufficient self-examination, I can find the reason(s).
Since the time when the Cor. passage embedded itself within me, I think God has used it to draw me to him in moments besides temptation. i.e. when I am feeling down. Or unworthy. Or anything negative. Or really, anything positive. But just like this passage says, in my weakness, I am strong. Because in those moments, I have realized exactly how broken I am, and I stop fighting to be self-sufficient, and I rely wholly on Christ. And then good things happen.
All that to say: Thank you, God, for pulling me, every day, in myriad ways, inexorably toward You.
And so on Saturday, during a drive to what would be a wonderful day, I flagellated myself a little, inwardly. It's a personal struggle, not to feel things the same way that so many others do. And after sufficient punishment, I turned my music off and forced my heart and thoughts to pass through my vocal chords. (Thanks to hands-free devices and the endless variety of music, people who pray in their cars don't look the slightest bit insane anymore.) Somehow, speaking aloud the words in my confused (relatively) emotions keeps my thoughts flowing in a line that is nearly straight. Just like writing things here, as long as I keep focused on the screen, keeps my brain walking the same thought process.
To remain focused no my original thought, I'll skip details. I'll just say that after a good conversation with God, I felt better about life and myself. Though what I was feeling was right and not unjustified. (I felt unworthy of God...which I am.)
Yesterday, Easter Sunday, I was awakened by my dog barking very early in the morning. Endlessly. For over an hour. I rarely wake up grouchy, but that did it to me. Not wanting to remain a grouch on Easter Sunday, I attempted prayer again. But even on the drive, I couldn't shake it. In fact, as the day went on and the pollen got to me, my overall mood remained down. I wasn't angry or about to attack anyone. But it was an odd thing, being unable to become exultantly happy on the day when I knew some people had recognized their need for Christ and so entered the kingdom of heaven.
Today, I woke up down (for myself) yet again. Very odd. One day is strange for me. Let alone 3 in a row. Eventually, after an hour of sitting on my couch, I decided to shake it off and leave. I went to church, and I did my devotional.
2 Cor. 12:7b-10 "Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
That was what I was being drawn toward. That scripture hit me right between the eyes, probably a year ago or so. I won't detail my own foolish struggles. If you know them, then this means that much more to you. But whenever this passage first impacted me, I was giving those struggles to God, hoping that He would finally erase them from me. And then I realized why He never had.
In more recent years, I've struggled with my own emotions. They don't make sense, relative to many other people. I don't feel certain things that it seems others do. And I get emotional in moments that are less common. I have down days for no apparent reason...though, of course, after sufficient self-examination, I can find the reason(s).
Since the time when the Cor. passage embedded itself within me, I think God has used it to draw me to him in moments besides temptation. i.e. when I am feeling down. Or unworthy. Or anything negative. Or really, anything positive. But just like this passage says, in my weakness, I am strong. Because in those moments, I have realized exactly how broken I am, and I stop fighting to be self-sufficient, and I rely wholly on Christ. And then good things happen.
All that to say: Thank you, God, for pulling me, every day, in myriad ways, inexorably toward You.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Love Extravagantly!
Week 1 of the "Sex, Love, and Dating" series went well. I wish I had come up with a sweet title for this whole deal. Not that it really matters.
Man, what a ridiculous challenge, though. To live up to 1 Cor. 13. Or even to attempt to live up to it.
Not sure how many of you (you being the 3 current subscribers) have seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, but I used a clip from it. (It's my favorite movie, so it stirred up all kinds of feelings.) And it rather vividly demonstrates how painful attempting to pull of real love can be.
I won't ruin the movie. But in the clip I used, Joel (main character) is given a chance to take a different path than the one he first tried, to venture into the unknown. And he chooses it. Blindly. In fact, he knows that nothing good can come of it despite his choice. But his choice demonstrates love regardless of how he feels. Really, given the pain of his current life, the obvious choice would be to flee from any similar sort of action.
I believe in entire sanctification. I think that God can do that in us and to us, if He chooses. But man. Really examining just this one passage of scripture...that's hard. It's easy to proclaim the stuff in the passage. To say we "keep no record of wrongs." That we honestly don't want what we don't have i.e. coveting other people's stuff...or significant others. That we don't lose patience. That we always look for the best. And the list goes on. That stuff is easy to say outwardly. Even to demonstrate, most of the time. But man is it hard to fulfill when no one is watching. In your own head.
It's pretty easy for me to forgive. I don't really have much to forgive. But I sometimes find that, subconsciously, I wasn't as forgiving as I'd thought.
Ridiculous as it is, driving around here tests my patience more than I think it has ever been tested. For both foolish and justifiable reasons. But reasons don't matter. Paul didn't say don't lose patience unless you have a really good reason. The challenge isn't "Love until you hit really hard circumstances."
So we have grace to make up for what we can never fulfill. Real love requires wisdom and understanding beyond any human potential, I think. Being concerned for what is best for others requires actually knowing what will, in the end, be best for them.
I guess when it comes down to it, those greatest commandments are in that order partly because, if we fail at the first, there is absolutely no hope of achieving the second. At least, not well. Eventually, our humanity will win, and we will fail to love either ourselves or the potential object of our love...our "neighbor."
Thankfully, that's when 2 people who have given their lives over to fulfilling both of those 2 big "love" commandments can fall back upon the grace of God and do something that they, prior to having that heavenly, perfect, unconditional love in their lives, never could have done. They can love unconditionally.
That's tough. But unfathomably valuable and powerful.
Man, what a ridiculous challenge, though. To live up to 1 Cor. 13. Or even to attempt to live up to it.
Not sure how many of you (you being the 3 current subscribers) have seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, but I used a clip from it. (It's my favorite movie, so it stirred up all kinds of feelings.) And it rather vividly demonstrates how painful attempting to pull of real love can be.
I won't ruin the movie. But in the clip I used, Joel (main character) is given a chance to take a different path than the one he first tried, to venture into the unknown. And he chooses it. Blindly. In fact, he knows that nothing good can come of it despite his choice. But his choice demonstrates love regardless of how he feels. Really, given the pain of his current life, the obvious choice would be to flee from any similar sort of action.
I believe in entire sanctification. I think that God can do that in us and to us, if He chooses. But man. Really examining just this one passage of scripture...that's hard. It's easy to proclaim the stuff in the passage. To say we "keep no record of wrongs." That we honestly don't want what we don't have i.e. coveting other people's stuff...or significant others. That we don't lose patience. That we always look for the best. And the list goes on. That stuff is easy to say outwardly. Even to demonstrate, most of the time. But man is it hard to fulfill when no one is watching. In your own head.
It's pretty easy for me to forgive. I don't really have much to forgive. But I sometimes find that, subconsciously, I wasn't as forgiving as I'd thought.
Ridiculous as it is, driving around here tests my patience more than I think it has ever been tested. For both foolish and justifiable reasons. But reasons don't matter. Paul didn't say don't lose patience unless you have a really good reason. The challenge isn't "Love until you hit really hard circumstances."
So we have grace to make up for what we can never fulfill. Real love requires wisdom and understanding beyond any human potential, I think. Being concerned for what is best for others requires actually knowing what will, in the end, be best for them.
I guess when it comes down to it, those greatest commandments are in that order partly because, if we fail at the first, there is absolutely no hope of achieving the second. At least, not well. Eventually, our humanity will win, and we will fail to love either ourselves or the potential object of our love...our "neighbor."
Thankfully, that's when 2 people who have given their lives over to fulfilling both of those 2 big "love" commandments can fall back upon the grace of God and do something that they, prior to having that heavenly, perfect, unconditional love in their lives, never could have done. They can love unconditionally.
That's tough. But unfathomably valuable and powerful.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Blogging Anew
Well,
At both the prompting of a brief, text message-based conversation with Rachel K. Draper and a 4-month intent to provide some form of regular insights into my life, here is a blog. I know not, yet, what shall specifically be contained within the "pages" of this blog, so I suppose you shall find out with me.
Some brief updates and catch-up information for any IN readers, should there be any:
I am at First Wesleyan Church in Kannapolis, NC. The church is in its 100th year of existence, so it technically predates the Wesleyan church as an organization. Which I think it is awesome. I think this particular church was a Pilgrim Holiness church before that denom. merged with the Wesleyan Methodist Connection to form the modern day Wesleyan Church.
Anyway, the staff here is young. And full of dreams, ideas, visions, and all those good things. As a church, we are beginning to implement plans to reach our immediate neighbors, the people who live within a 1 mi. radius around the church. We would like to be a group who is known for serving the community and aiming directly at the needs of locals.
The youth group, named FUEL, averages about 40 people per week. We have had around 10 student visitors since I came, those being students who weren't already a part of the regular group. Recently, we went to a regional Wesleyan youth convention here in Charlotte where 2 of our students gave their lives to Christ. Following Love Mercy (the youth con), it is our aim to surrender our lives daily to Christ, so that we can be different and effective in our schools.
I also have a young adult group. We picked a name for it once, or rather I did, but I'm not sure it will stick. So I'll just leave that out. We have a tight group that is growing bit by bit. At our last event, bowling night, there were 6 of us. We are slowly creating a skeleton for what will, someday, be an organized ministry. (Hard to imagine anything I do being organized.)
Personally, I feel blessed every day just to wake up and know that all of this is reality. God has given many more chances than I humanly feel I deserve. To capitalize on one, finally, has really paid off. It is with all of my energy that I throw myself toward Him. What I feel had been a long, long dry spell finally ended. Costly, yes. Worth it, not my place to say. But I will not slip away again. If not for my own sake, then for the sake of the people who would be affected by my failure.
I could go on, but I'm gonna end it here, with this:
"I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us."
- Romans 8:39 (Emphasis added)
Thanks for reading, those of you who did. I'll write more later. Ciao.
Brandon M. Brown
At both the prompting of a brief, text message-based conversation with Rachel K. Draper and a 4-month intent to provide some form of regular insights into my life, here is a blog. I know not, yet, what shall specifically be contained within the "pages" of this blog, so I suppose you shall find out with me.
Some brief updates and catch-up information for any IN readers, should there be any:
I am at First Wesleyan Church in Kannapolis, NC. The church is in its 100th year of existence, so it technically predates the Wesleyan church as an organization. Which I think it is awesome. I think this particular church was a Pilgrim Holiness church before that denom. merged with the Wesleyan Methodist Connection to form the modern day Wesleyan Church.
Anyway, the staff here is young. And full of dreams, ideas, visions, and all those good things. As a church, we are beginning to implement plans to reach our immediate neighbors, the people who live within a 1 mi. radius around the church. We would like to be a group who is known for serving the community and aiming directly at the needs of locals.
The youth group, named FUEL, averages about 40 people per week. We have had around 10 student visitors since I came, those being students who weren't already a part of the regular group. Recently, we went to a regional Wesleyan youth convention here in Charlotte where 2 of our students gave their lives to Christ. Following Love Mercy (the youth con), it is our aim to surrender our lives daily to Christ, so that we can be different and effective in our schools.
I also have a young adult group. We picked a name for it once, or rather I did, but I'm not sure it will stick. So I'll just leave that out. We have a tight group that is growing bit by bit. At our last event, bowling night, there were 6 of us. We are slowly creating a skeleton for what will, someday, be an organized ministry. (Hard to imagine anything I do being organized.)
Personally, I feel blessed every day just to wake up and know that all of this is reality. God has given many more chances than I humanly feel I deserve. To capitalize on one, finally, has really paid off. It is with all of my energy that I throw myself toward Him. What I feel had been a long, long dry spell finally ended. Costly, yes. Worth it, not my place to say. But I will not slip away again. If not for my own sake, then for the sake of the people who would be affected by my failure.
I could go on, but I'm gonna end it here, with this:
"I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us."
- Romans 8:39 (Emphasis added)
Thanks for reading, those of you who did. I'll write more later. Ciao.
Brandon M. Brown
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